I love going to workshops and seminars, for several reasons. While I was in my 9-5 I went to many, both paid and free. However the reason I am in the fortunate position I am now, of running my own business, and being my own boss, is that I took MASSIVE ACTION (as I am sure many of you will be familiar!).

This last weekend I went to a workshop around attracting more clients, and I must say, I learnt a lot. However I made a commitment to myself that  I wouldn’t go to another until I followed up on my commitments I made and take MASSIVE ACTION around my goals.

This got me thinking,  what is the reason you go to workshops/seminars?

I see three reasons

1. Knowledge
2. Reinforcement
3. Networking/Joint Ventures

The title of the workshop and what it is going to give you is the obvious reason most people go to a workshop. We live in a society where we feel that we need more knowledge, “I am currently not getting what I want, so I must be lacking knowledge.”

Is this the case? Think of the last 5 workshops you have attended, did they give you ‘information’ that you already knew, but just not applied? I can certainly say this has been the case for me sometimes.

So what is it that makes us go back? Do we need constant reinforcement for what we already know, or is it more about developing our current knowledge? For me it is often the case of developing and fine tuning what I already know.

A few years ago I differentiated between whether I was consuming my time or investing my time, and I must say the percentage wasn’t in my favour. This for me was a light bulb moment, as soon as I consciously investmented my time, i.e. reading, networking, researching, communicating, listening, being a teacher, being a student, doing what I love, and not comsuming my time, i.e. TV, procrastinating, finding things to do to avoid what needs to be done; things started to change, I took MASSIVE ACTION.

What was a massive eye opener for me was the people you meet when you go to these workshops/seminars. By the very fact that they are there, their mindset would be very similar to yours, hence the opportunity to network with like-minded people is fantastic.

The opportunity to develop new connections for Joint Ventures is also great. Joint Venturing can take many forms, from joint marketing activity to promote complementary services, to looking for mentors who have already achieved what you are looking to develop.

These are some of my ideas. I would love to hear why you go to workshops and seminars.

The Children’s Society today (27/1/10) published a 2 year study on children’s well being. 7000 children aged between 10-15 years old were asked what made them happy and give them life satisfaction.

The report makes for some interesting reading. Although the focus is on children a lot of the findings could be attributed to the mass population.

The report found that stress, worry and anxiety were regularly mentioned as things that prevented young people having a good life, sound familiar! The findings of what made children unhappy were

• Family conflict
• The way they are treated by adults, in their own community and media
• Least happy with their appearance and confidence

Appearance and confidence is one of the major areas, that the report found to be  a source of unhappiness. 17.5% unhappy with their looks, 16% unhappy with their confidence. 115 unhappy with the amount of choice they have and 10.5% unhappy with the amount of freedom they have.

How much would this be applicable to the adult population? Would the figures be so different? You could envisage that these percentages would be much higher.

This new world of taking control of our lives and the amount of resources available now through the internet, demonstrates that to get what you want in life, is more about your confidence and how you are perceived, as well as what you know.

Schools have started to recognise the importance of developing children’s emotional awareness, through the PSHE( Personal, Social Health & Economic Education) and the SEAL (Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning) programs, however they don’t go far enough.

We all ‘know’ that if a child is happy, feeling good and confident they are more likely to perform better, the same as adults. The number of seminars, workshops and course that are available for us all to develop our confidence and improve our performance is huge. The question to ask, is why is this type of education an after thought in mainstream education?

The report also highlighted some really interesting good points, 66% of young people felt that their life had a sense of purpose, wonder if this would be so high for the mass population? Previous research has shown that having a sense of purpose is linked with well being. Having a life with purpose gives you direction and clarity.The report also showed that 63% of young people felt that their parents/carers understood them.

The feeling I get reading the report is that communication is the key. The report shows that on average families that “get along well together” were around 20% happier than those who do not, irrespective of if you were in a single parent family, living with step parents or living with both partners.

Working in both business and schools, with the teachers, I would say this is also true. When communication is flowing people are much more happier and confident. This is not saying that all things are agreed upon, however knowing there are clear lines of communication and everybody feels valued, means for a more productive working environment. The default position within the UK population is often around avoiding conflict or confrontation, this results in a communication breakdown, where people don’t express what they truly feel.

There is a common saying that 99% of the problems we think of never come true! Think about this, we may stop saying something because of fear of conflict, and we become noddy dogs within board meetings to avoid confrontation, however express what we think after the meeting nearer the water cooler. By having a bit more confidence and courage by individually taking responsibility to communicate more effectively we will all be more happier.

Communicate, with your children, with your friends,  and with your colleagues, it WILL make all the difference.

Summary of Executive Report from the Children’s Society

Related articles

• Innocense of Children’s Thinking (performancecoachingandtraining.co.uk)

Last weekend I went to a seminar run by my friend Deepak Lodhia and he remined me of the famous saying that Bruce Lee Coined – Be Like Water.

This puts what we strive for, in perspective. A great metaphor, if we adapt to situations and events and be our true to our self we will get more of what we want

Image via Wikipedia

Getting more clients is what we all strive for. We go networking, make cold calls, and go to workshops to learn the secrets from the ‘experts’, however if we apply the Yoda principal to getting more clients we will get more than we need.

The word ‘try’ is often heard when in our language, when we look to attempt something, ‘I want to work with that blue chip company, I will try and call the CEO’

TRY!!! This allows for failure. By trying we give ourselves a get out clause.’ Well I did try and call him, but he was busy, he is already working with XYZ‘

Next time you say you will try to do something, just change it to do. Even saying this will change the energy around your intention and make it more likely to happen.

When you are committed to something it is amazing how often opportunities occur. When I coach, whether in schools or in business, if I had a penny for the number of times I hear people say the word try, well, let’s just say, it would be easy money. Yoda’s response to Luke when his ship immersed in the lake was, all about intention.

Is your intention to fail or succeed. Is it an option that you fail? No, so why allow it to happen. By doing, your intention is all around succeeding, and history tells us as soon as we decide on something our intention changes and we get closer to what we want.

Go on try it, sorry DO IT, you never know it might just be true!

So what has undiluted orange squash got to do with anything.

In life we are forever told we must do that, do this, use these words, do this action, don’t eat this, do more exercise, buy this product. However, how many times do you actually listen to your inner self. Some call this intuition, awareness, gut instinct, any numerous definitions.

Does listening to your inner self make a difference, well if you listen only once or twice, maybe not, however if you trust it and listen the results may surprise you.

What would a glass of undiluted orange squash taste like? Bitter, strong, not very nice. Now the easiest thing to do is put water in it and drink it. Wouldn’t it be good if life was like that, i.e. when we come up against something that is bitter and not very nice we can just add something to it to make it better.

Just imagine if you put just one drop of water in the undiluted orange squash, would it taste any different, would it look any different, would it smell any different, no it wouldn’t. Now if you gave it to a scientist to see if it was different, what would they say? Yes there is, however only you and the scientist can know there is a difference.

That drop of water represents the small change we could all make to get the things we want in life. That small step that takes us nearer to our goal, that one small change of thought that makes us see those seemingly impossible things, now just really difficult.

What would be the implication if you allowed yourself to add one drop of water each month, each week, each day, or even each hour? For the first few drops only you (and the scientist) know you have made some changes, however the outside world will not know until, much, much later.

As humans one of our “want’s” is that we look for approval so when we make some changes we like it acknowledged, and when we don’t get that outside validation we lose self-belief  and give-up. The outside world will notice the great glass of orange juice only until several drops have been added and then the outside world can see the differnece.

This is the same when we do something different. It may take days, weeks, or even months before others see the different. But does this matter. If you knew that by adding a drop of water each day, you would achieve your goals, tackle near impossible tasks and increase your self-belief, would it really matter, if others notice the differenece?

By making sure you add one drop of water each day and being consistent you will start to get the results you want, and if you’re lucky others may see the difference as well!

Image by epicnom via Flickr

We often hear marketing professionals asking us about our USP (unique selling point) is, and many misinterpret this as  how are you better than the competition, when actually what they are is how are you DIFFERENT than the rest.

What is it that stands you out from the rest of the crowd? Think about it, you tend to remember the things that are different from the norm. Does your marketing and sales pitch lend itself to this? What is the impression that people are left with when they have either met you at an event, or experienced your services? What do they remember?

Ask yourself this, are you constantly trying to show how much better you are than the others or how you are different? Whatever profession you are in, people will choose you because you relate to them and because you have something different that they like.

Don’t kid yourself, whatever your profession, (unless you are the leader of a country!!!) there are thousands of people doing what you do. The following video perfectly demonstrates this. Getting over 38 million hits, it’s all about being different not necessarily better.

How can you be different? Please leave a comment and let others know what is different about you.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Train Yourself To Be In The Mood You Want (stacyknows.blogspot.com)
• 9 Ways To Stand Out In A Crowded Blogging Niche (davidrisley.com)
• A Few Guidelines To Help You With Effective Article Marketing (ronmedlin.com)
• 6 tips for treating your customers like friends (smartblogs.com)

When December comes the thought on most peoples minds is where did the year go? All the things I planned to do, I never got done. How frustrating!!!

So what are going to do that will make 2010 your best year yet? What plans do you have for 2010 that mean you can’t wait for the new year to begin?

A wise man once said if ‘…you keep on doing the same things expect the same results!’

The new year brings optimism and a sense of a new beginning. Why wait? What’s stopping you doing what you want to do now.

By starting now you give yourself a months head start. If its working, great carry on in the new year, if not, change it.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself before the start of 2010

1. What can I start to do now, that I am waiting for the new year to do?

2. Who do I need to connect with NOW to ensure my year starts on the right foot?

3. What are the things that I can start to delegate to ensure I focus on what I do best?

4. What’s the most important thing I want to achieve in 2010?

5. What am I worth?

To really kick start you year come see me here

We all know that when we are feeling confident and good about ourselves we can achieve anything. But life isn’t like that. We have good days and we have bad days. So what is the difference? How we feel.

Now the reason we don’t feel good some days maybe to do with things that have happened, or is happening to us. Losing business, not getting the sale, getting bogged down with ’stuff’, kids, all these things can mean we have bad days. Having challenges in our life is part of the deal.  A part of life yes, but not the whole reason why we feel bad. We feel bad because of how we choose to react to the situation.

I am not saying we should all act like robots and never react adversely to these situations, what I am saying is that we can learn to become more self-aware (knowing we are doing it when doing it) so we know how we are reacting and then do something about it. These situations have an impact on the state we are in. So what can you do to change your state that will have an impact on how you feel?

Three things you can do,

Language

Change your language, notice the words you use that limit you, can’t, should, yes but, don’t know, all these words put a limit on your thinking. When you hear yourself use the word ‘can’t’ replace it with ‘won’t’. What’ s the implication? Are you now more in control in what you choose to do next?

Replace ’should’ with ‘could’. What happens now? Do possibilities all of a sudden become available. We use ‘yes but’, to acknowledge what is happening or being said, then give ourself reasons of why you can’t do what is being suggested.

Focus

What are you focusing on? Is your cup half empty or half full? When we don’t feel great we tend to focus on what is lacking in our life and what we don’t have or can’t get. When we start to focus on what we have and what possibilities there are, its amazing how our state starts to improve. Developing your self-awareness helps you focus on what actually is, as opposed, on what maybe.

Posture

When we talk about the mind and how we feel, the movement of the body is often ignored. Changing and emphasising your posture can have a high impact on your state. Try walking with your chest out, and tall and not feel good, not easy is it! Hold your head up and see if you start to feel good. Eye contact and smiling will also improve your state. Try it. We all know how much we can do without crossing the line of social etiquette.

All these thing are within your control. There is no more excuse to have bad days. Bad moments yes, bad days no, don’t allow it to happen. Don’t fall into the ‘Oh it’s going to be one of those days’ syndrome. If you are having a bad morning, do something so the afternoon is good. Is this easy, of course it’s not, if it were you’d be doing it already. Intellectually you know all this, all you have to do now is apply it.

Language, Focus and Posture are things that we all have control over. When we are not feeling good we tend to focus on things that we don’t control or have an influence over. We are human and some things take longer to get over then others. However doing a few small things that we can control will allow us to get into a state where we start to operate how we want to.

True pure coaching is about challenging people to get what they want. Get them to think in a way that allows new thinking to take place. It was once said, and repeated many times before, and I make no apologies to repeat it here again, “If you keep on doing the same things you will keep on geting the same results”. The same principle applies if you keep on thinking the same things, you will keep on getting the same conclusions.

When coaching, I set some rules at the start of the session, and these rules applies for both myself and the coachee. The rule is that the following three phrases cannot be used during the session

• I know
• I don’t know
• Yes, but…

Does it work, well try it yourself. You don’t have to be a coach to apply this rule, you can apply it as a manager or leader when having a conversation that is around improving performance.

I Know

Preventing from saying this allows further thinking to take place. Linked to effective listening, the key is to to pause before giving an answer. The coachee knowing they cannot say ‘I know’ forces them to think about what you they want to say and give a response that will be more empowering and productive for the conversation.

I Don’t Know

Coaching involves asking challenging questions, ‘I don’t know’ immediately puts the onus back on the person asking the question, to either give a suggestion, or ask a further question. Not being able to say I don’t know, again allows them to think and potentially get some different results.

Yes, but

This is classic when somebody is just waiting for a pause in what you are saying so they can say what they want. If this is the case, they are already thinking what they are going to say, and so will not hear what you are saying towards the end.

By saying ‘Yes, but’ it gives the indication that they have heard what you have said, making you feel you are being heard. Within a coaching context listening is paramount, and it is imperative the coach and coachee listen fully to what is being said.

and what is essential

Pauses

In between what the coach and the coachee talk about, deliberate pauses can have a empowering and productive impact on the coaching, for both parties.

There are many things that Business can learn from Sport, focus, motivation, goals, dedication, talent, the list goes on. However in most cases business looks at sport from the point of view of motivation, looking to learn ways to keep going, dealing with adversity and the single mindedness needed to being an elite performer.

Simplicity is the key with this. There are three areas that business can look at, that elite performers in sport consistently demonstarte that enables them to perform at the best.

1. Clarity of Goal
2. Patience and Preparation
3. Being in the Moment

Below is a talk I gave on this at a recent networking event.