Paulo Coelho, author of the bestselling book The Alchemist, has written a boo titled Warrior of the Light. It is a collection of short notes on accepting failure, embracing life and rising to your destiny. The Warrior, as Paulo describes is someone who knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment, and sometimes with just a touch of madness.

On the surface to approach life as a Warrior may seem impractical. The focus, as a Warrior is on what you have control over, what you can do and let go of the things you cannot control. Stress is often caused by the y we choose to react to outside events. The Warrior is all about accepting these stresses and then letting them go.

Living life with the mindset of a warrior takes some skill. However the pursuit of this way of living can open many doors, the first of which is in our minds.

One such note in the book talks about the two columns on either side of the door he is trying to open.

One is called Fear and the other is called Desire. The Warrior looks at the column of Fear and on it is is written: “You are entering a dangerous, unfamiliar world where everything you have leaned up until now will prove useless.”

The Warrior looks at the column of Desire and on it is written: “You are about to leave a familiar world wherein are stored all the things you ever wanted and for which you struggled long and hard.”

The Warrior smiles because nothing frightens him and nothing holds him. With confidence of one who know what he wants, he opens the door.

So what we can learn from this? That whatever choices we come across in our lives, whatever choice you make will be the right one. How many choice have you made in your life that looking back were based on fear?  Courage is doing something or making a decision when fear is present. Desire is dictated by how much you want it. When you want something bad enough and you act on it, it is amazing how the feeling of fear subsides.

Do you have a decision to make? If you knew you would succeed what would you do?  Think about Usain Bolt, the 100m Olympic Gold medallist. He knows he is the fastest man of earth. Does that mean he doesn’t train, eat the right things or get enough sleep? Absolutely not. He wants to make sure that when he is standing at the staring line he is in the best condition possible, that the actual race result is a forgone conclusion. So, Usain, knowing he will succeed, puts in all the work necessary to get the result he wants.

What can you do today, to ensure your success tomorrow?

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Getting more clients is what we all strive for. We go networking, make cold calls, and go to workshops to learn the secrets from the ‘experts’, however if we apply the Yoda principal to getting more clients we will get more than we need.

The word ‘try’ is often heard when in our language, when we look to attempt something, ‘I want to work with that blue chip company, I will try and call the CEO’

TRY!!! This allows for failure. By trying we give ourselves a get out clause.’ Well I did try and call him, but he was busy, he is already working with XYZ‘

Next time you say you will try to do something, just change it to do. Even saying this will change the energy around your intention and make it more likely to happen.

When you are committed to something it is amazing how often opportunities occur. When I coach, whether in schools or in business, if I had a penny for the number of times I hear people say the word try, well, let’s just say, it would be easy money. Yoda’s response to Luke when his ship immersed in the lake was, all about intention.

Is your intention to fail or succeed. Is it an option that you fail? No, so why allow it to happen. By doing, your intention is all around succeeding, and history tells us as soon as we decide on something our intention changes and we get closer to what we want.

Go on try it, sorry DO IT, you never know it might just be true!

So what has undiluted orange squash got to do with anything.

In life we are forever told we must do that, do this, use these words, do this action, don’t eat this, do more exercise, buy this product. However, how many times do you actually listen to your inner self. Some call this intuition, awareness, gut instinct, any numerous definitions.

Does listening to your inner self make a difference, well if you listen only once or twice, maybe not, however if you trust it and listen the results may surprise you.

What would a glass of undiluted orange squash taste like? Bitter, strong, not very nice. Now the easiest thing to do is put water in it and drink it. Wouldn’t it be good if life was like that, i.e. when we come up against something that is bitter and not very nice we can just add something to it to make it better.

Just imagine if you put just one drop of water in the undiluted orange squash, would it taste any different, would it look any different, would it smell any different, no it wouldn’t. Now if you gave it to a scientist to see if it was different, what would they say? Yes there is, however only you and the scientist can know there is a difference.

That drop of water represents the small change we could all make to get the things we want in life. That small step that takes us nearer to our goal, that one small change of thought that makes us see those seemingly impossible things, now just really difficult.

What would be the implication if you allowed yourself to add one drop of water each month, each week, each day, or even each hour? For the first few drops only you (and the scientist) know you have made some changes, however the outside world will not know until, much, much later.

As humans one of our “want’s” is that we look for approval so when we make some changes we like it acknowledged, and when we don’t get that outside validation we lose self-belief  and give-up. The outside world will notice the great glass of orange juice only until several drops have been added and then the outside world can see the differnece.

This is the same when we do something different. It may take days, weeks, or even months before others see the different. But does this matter. If you knew that by adding a drop of water each day, you would achieve your goals, tackle near impossible tasks and increase your self-belief, would it really matter, if others notice the differenece?

By making sure you add one drop of water each day and being consistent you will start to get the results you want, and if you’re lucky others may see the difference as well!

We all know that when we are feeling confident and good about ourselves we can achieve anything. But life isn’t like that. We have good days and we have bad days. So what is the difference? How we feel.

Now the reason we don’t feel good some days maybe to do with things that have happened, or is happening to us. Losing business, not getting the sale, getting bogged down with ’stuff’, kids, all these things can mean we have bad days. Having challenges in our life is part of the deal.  A part of life yes, but not the whole reason why we feel bad. We feel bad because of how we choose to react to the situation.

I am not saying we should all act like robots and never react adversely to these situations, what I am saying is that we can learn to become more self-aware (knowing we are doing it when doing it) so we know how we are reacting and then do something about it. These situations have an impact on the state we are in. So what can you do to change your state that will have an impact on how you feel?

Three things you can do,

Language

Change your language, notice the words you use that limit you, can’t, should, yes but, don’t know, all these words put a limit on your thinking. When you hear yourself use the word ‘can’t’ replace it with ‘won’t’. What’ s the implication? Are you now more in control in what you choose to do next?

Replace ’should’ with ‘could’. What happens now? Do possibilities all of a sudden become available. We use ‘yes but’, to acknowledge what is happening or being said, then give ourself reasons of why you can’t do what is being suggested.

Focus

What are you focusing on? Is your cup half empty or half full? When we don’t feel great we tend to focus on what is lacking in our life and what we don’t have or can’t get. When we start to focus on what we have and what possibilities there are, its amazing how our state starts to improve. Developing your self-awareness helps you focus on what actually is, as opposed, on what maybe.

Posture

When we talk about the mind and how we feel, the movement of the body is often ignored. Changing and emphasising your posture can have a high impact on your state. Try walking with your chest out, and tall and not feel good, not easy is it! Hold your head up and see if you start to feel good. Eye contact and smiling will also improve your state. Try it. We all know how much we can do without crossing the line of social etiquette.

All these thing are within your control. There is no more excuse to have bad days. Bad moments yes, bad days no, don’t allow it to happen. Don’t fall into the ‘Oh it’s going to be one of those days’ syndrome. If you are having a bad morning, do something so the afternoon is good. Is this easy, of course it’s not, if it were you’d be doing it already. Intellectually you know all this, all you have to do now is apply it.

Language, Focus and Posture are things that we all have control over. When we are not feeling good we tend to focus on things that we don’t control or have an influence over. We are human and some things take longer to get over then others. However doing a few small things that we can control will allow us to get into a state where we start to operate how we want to.

True pure coaching is about challenging people to get what they want. Get them to think in a way that allows new thinking to take place. It was once said, and repeated many times before, and I make no apologies to repeat it here again, “If you keep on doing the same things you will keep on geting the same results”. The same principle applies if you keep on thinking the same things, you will keep on getting the same conclusions.

When coaching, I set some rules at the start of the session, and these rules applies for both myself and the coachee. The rule is that the following three phrases cannot be used during the session

• I know
• I don’t know
• Yes, but…

Does it work, well try it yourself. You don’t have to be a coach to apply this rule, you can apply it as a manager or leader when having a conversation that is around improving performance.

I Know

Preventing from saying this allows further thinking to take place. Linked to effective listening, the key is to to pause before giving an answer. The coachee knowing they cannot say ‘I know’ forces them to think about what you they want to say and give a response that will be more empowering and productive for the conversation.

I Don’t Know

Coaching involves asking challenging questions, ‘I don’t know’ immediately puts the onus back on the person asking the question, to either give a suggestion, or ask a further question. Not being able to say I don’t know, again allows them to think and potentially get some different results.

Yes, but

This is classic when somebody is just waiting for a pause in what you are saying so they can say what they want. If this is the case, they are already thinking what they are going to say, and so will not hear what you are saying towards the end.

By saying ‘Yes, but’ it gives the indication that they have heard what you have said, making you feel you are being heard. Within a coaching context listening is paramount, and it is imperative the coach and coachee listen fully to what is being said.

and what is essential

Pauses

In between what the coach and the coachee talk about, deliberate pauses can have a empowering and productive impact on the coaching, for both parties.

Do you listen or do you hear? Is there a difference?

Well from a technical point of the the process of hearing is a physiological act, the ear drums engage in the noises coming to it and the brain interprets the sounds. Listening is actually engaging psychologically to what is coming to you and requires more concentration of the mind.

In order to help us with understanding how we can improve our listening skills, below is how Steve Covey defines the 5 Levels of Listening

5 Levels of Listening

1. Empathic Listening – Listening/responding with both the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words intent and feelings. Listen for what is not being said
2. Attentive Listening – Paying attention, focusing on the speaker’s words/comparing to your own experiences
3. Selective Listening – Hearing only what interests you
4. Pretend – Giving the appearance of listening
5. Ignore – No effort to listen

By developing our listening skills allows us to communicate better and no decide what we are going to say before we truly listen to hear to what is being said.

In business the skill of listening is under-rated. Managers who want to develop their coaching skills, will relise that one of the first skill to acquire is listening. This can sometimes be quite strange, because on the surface it looks like doing nothing, however increasing your listening skills to level 4 or 5 as stated above takes a lot of doing.

The challenge to improve your skills, is to be patient. It will take time and practice. A few things you can do

1. Next time you are having a conversation, whether business or social, truly absorb what is being said and leave a second or two gap before you respond
2. If you find yourself thinking about what you are going to say while the other person is talking, stop yourself and re-engage
3. When responding ask a question that allows the other person to continue, it will make them feel good and they in turn subconsciously will want to listen to you

Try this out, the key is practice and to see how your own communication improves as well as how others start to respond to you.

There were once 2 brothers who lived on the 80th level. On coming home one day, they realized to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they have to climb the stairs home.After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decided to abandon their bags and come back for them the next day. They left their bags then and climbed on. When they have struggled to the 40th level, the younger brother started to grumble and both of them began to quarrel. They continued to climb the flights of steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor.They then realized that they have only 20 levels more to climb and decided to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace. They silently climbed on and reached their home at long last. Each stood calmly before the door and waited for the other to open the door.

And they realized that the key was in their bags which was left on the 20th floor

This story is reflecting on our life…many of us live under the expectations of our parents, teachers and friends when young. We seldom get to do the things that we really like and love and are under so much pressure and stress so that by the age of 20, we get tired and decided to dump this load.

Being free of the stress and pressure, we work enthusiastically and dream ambitious wishes.

But by the time we reach 40 years old, we start to lose our vision and dreams. We began to feel unsatisfied and start to complain and criticize. We live life as a misery as we are never satisfied. Reaching 60, we realize that we have little left for complaining anymore, and we began to walk the final episode in peace and calmness.

We think that there is nothing left to disappoint us, only to realize that we could not rest in peace because we have an unfulfilled dream …… a dream we abandoned 60 years ago.

So what is your dream? Follow your dreams, so that you will not live with regrets

Source: Chains Concepts – Emotional Intelligence

Attending a recent event I was fortunate to hear Chris Boardman speak about what he believes are the characteristic of high performing teams. Listening to Chris it struck me that there are no secret formulas to performing at your best, just small tweaks you can make to what you are already doing to get the results you want. Chris talked about 10 tips to high performing teams

1. Listen between the lines – Listening is a skill that most of us think we have but very few actually do. We all hear things but few is us really listen. Sometimes it is good to just park your thoughts and truly listen to what others are saying.

2. Be comfortable being uncomfortable – Your comfort zone is your hassle free zone. Knowing how to act when you are out of your comfort zones increases your confidence to things that are uncomfortable.

3. Value Diversity- People who think differently to each other come up with different ideas. It is important to value people who do think differently to obtain high growth.

4. Take Time to Reflect – We get focused it doing things we forget the most important part of the equation, ourselves. Taking time to reflect gives you the opportunity to learn from your experiences good or bad.

5. Forget Winning- It is important to have the end goal in mind, but don’t let that attachment prevent you getting what you want. Focus on being better and getting the best out of the team and the winning will take care of itself.

6. Stupid Ideas – Daft ideas are sometimes the best. Value all contributions within a team, one person’s daft idea is another person secret to the nest best idea.

7. Put Yourself First- The instinct is to meet the needs of you team, the best way you can do this is my looking after yourself and ensuring you are in your best state to help them.

8. Success is a dangerous thing- Success can make you complacent and discourages listening and criticism from outside. Ensure you have a plan in place to survive success.

9. Painful experiences lead to the greatest growth - When you feel pain you listen and are more open to change. Put a value on failure and learn from it.

10. Satisfaction – Ensure you and your team enjoy the success and gain satisfaction from your achievements.

 Do you have a team that could be a high performing team? Do take the risk contact me baiju [at] pctconsultancy [dot] com for training and coaching opportunities

Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him. – Virginia SatirHow do you typically communicate? Is it through words, gestures, emotions, thoughts, desires, needs, truths, direct perception or intuition? Do you focus more on the other person or on yourself? Do you typically tell, ask or listen?

For a few days, set an intention to be aware of your communication styles and skills. After you’ve spent some time talking with someone, reflect on what your underlying motives were and what level of depth you reached. Write your insights in your journal.

This exercise will help you become more aware and conscious of who you are and why you do what you do.

“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” – Thomas Moore

“You must speak straight so that your words may go as sunlight to our hearts.” – Cochise

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read straight through, and you’ll get the lesson.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Was that Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care