A Coach is a must at the top is the extract form the Sunday Times reviewing the book written by Steve Tappin & Andrew Cave called “The NEW Secrets of CEOs”

The book looks at what it is really like to be an CEO and tells us what life is really like at the top and reveals the views of heads of global businesses as diverse as GE International, NASCAR, China Mobile and Unilever.

One quote from Richard Baker, former CEO of Alliance Books “It is extraordinary to think you can be excellent at something without a coach, the notion that Roger Federer would not have several coaches is ridiculous. One of the best things to happen to me was to get a coach. when the waves were breaking over me, I got a coach. Within 10 minutes, he had correctly identified the one thing I needed to do. As CEO, the idea you can do it on your own is extraordinarily arrogant”

As a coach,  you would expect me to be biased towards the benefits a coach can give high level executives. The analogy that Richard Baker gives about Roger Federer using a coach is a good one. The coach isn’t about telling you what to do, the very fact that that the CEO is in the position they are, there must be something about them. Roger Federer knows his game, the coach will challenge, question, encourage, and hold them accountable.

A perfect illustration of this is given by Lord Davies, at Standard Chartered who used a management coach, “I got someone who catalogued how I spent my time and went through my diaries and measured my progress on a 360-degree basis. It was brutal, but I am a great believer in courageous conversation. I don’t think I agreed with him; I was allowed to argue.”

The key thing here is that how Lord Davies didn’t always agree with his coach. This is good, the last thing you want from your coach is someone who is going to tell what you want to hear, or worse still be your yes person.

One of the common things that come out of the work I do, is how managers and leaders want some kind of behaviour or attitude change from their staff, that they feel would benefit the company. One of the ways I do this is through an Amnesty meeting. Before the meeting I have a few sessions with the leader/s to really establish what kind of changes they are looking for from the team. Before I talk to the staff, we would go through a number of things that the leaders CAN do that would facilitate these changes. In isolation these could be quite small, however it is amazing the changes that the leaders can make, both in their behaviour and attitude, the very same they are looking for from their staff , that can start to take effect in the company, even before the amnesty meeting takes place.

The rules of engagement of the Amnesty meeting are as follows

• Everything you say must be within the rules of professional integrity
• Anything you say must serve the company in some way
• Only ask for things you want changing where you are prepared to take the first action
• Each person is committed to hold each other accountable to the actions agreed, irrespective of position held

The individuals can say anything in the meeting and it will not be used against them outside the meeting. Theses rules however, ensure that everybody knows the pupose of the meeting and allows everybody to take something away from the meeting they would find useful.

So a Coach is a Must both from the point of view of getting the best out of the leaders and staff in a company.

Reading many personal development websites, as you do, I came across Jack Canfield’s 7 tips for success, and reading through them, it struck me how these are the steps I took,in various forms to get from the 9-5 job to running my own coaching and training company 2 1/2 years on.

Tip 1

Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life.

What Jack says – “One of the greatest myths that is pervasive in our culture today is that you are entitled to a great life-that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing family time and blissful personal relationships simply because we exist. But the real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is YOU”

Back in 2006 I knew I had to leave my 9-5 and start my own business, it is then I really tool responsibility for my life 100% and started to create an environment to leave on MY terms, as opposed leaving without no clear vision. Some people I have met who wish to start their own business, say they wish they could be made redundant, so then they have no choice but to do something, this is not taking 100% responsibility for their own lives, be brave and take a decision that is going to empower you.

Tip 2

Be Clear Why You’re Here.

What Jack says – “I believe each of us is born with a life purpose. Identifying, acknowledging and honoring this purpose is perhaps the most important action successful people take. They take the time to understand what they’re here to do-and then they pursue that with passion and enthusiasm.”

My 9-3 was in Sales and I was earning good money, but it didn’t feed my soul. The last few years in my job I stopped getting excited by the challenge. As time went on, I became more and more clear about what my purpose was and helping others, challenging them to achieve and getting others to realise their potential. This is why I am here

Tip 3

Decide What You Want.

What Jack says – “One of the main reasons why most people don’t get what they want is they haven’t decided what they want.  They haven’t defined their desires in clear and compelling detail… What does success look like to you?

What i wanted is to live life on my terms. 2 1/2 years in I can honestly say that I love working. I get a buzz when I am with clients. This may not have rung tru a few years a ago, however what I would say now is that, even if I didn’t need to earn,  I would still do what I am doing now.

Tip 4

Believe It’s Possible.

What Jack says – “Scientists used to believe that humans responded to information flowing into the brain from the outside world. But today, they’re learning instead that we respond to what the brain, based on previous experience, expects to happen next…In fact, the mind is such a powerful instrument, it can deliver to you literally everything you want. But you have to believe that what you want is possible”

As soon as I decided I was going to leave and really believed I could make thus happen, everything changed, my confidence, opportunities, people around me, all of it. As soon my aura was one of making this happen the energy around me flow in the same direction.

Tip 5

Believe in Yourself.

What Jack says – “If you are going to be successful in creating the life of your dreams, you have to believe that you are capable of making it happen…Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence or self-assurance, it is a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes- the abilities, inner resources, talents and skills to create your desired results”

This for me is linked with Tip 4, as soon as I believed in myself, I started to believe it was possible. I used to think, these things only happen to others, you need a lot of luck for it to happen, you need lots of money. All of these things became true as soon as I started believing in myself. I became the others, started getting luckier, and money started coming!

Tip 6

Become an Inverse Paranoid

What Jack says - “Imagine how much easier it would be to succeed in life if you were constantly expecting the world to support you and bring you opportunity. Successful people do just that.”

This is what I started doing, if things started to happen to me, how would I react? i.e. would I allow the success to come. People hold many fears, two prominent fears, are fear of failure and fear of success. If I wasn’t ready, would I have been fearful of the success?

Tip 7

Unleash the Power of Goal Setting

“Experts on the science of success know the brain is a goal-seeking organism. Whatever goal you give to your subconscious mind, it will work day and night to achieve… To engage you subconscious mind, a goal has to be measurable. When there are no criteria for measurement, it is simply something you want, a wish, a preference, a good idea.”

My first goal was to know how much I needed to survive for a year, without earning, while i was setting up my business. Once i got this figure, i then looked at ways of getting this money, my method was property investing and within a year of this decision, I got the amount I needed and left my job. Achieving this goal gave me the confidence to achieve any goal I set from the on.

What are your current challenges, go through each of Jack’s tip and see if you are playing full out and if you are holding back!

Paulo Coelho, author of the bestselling book The Alchemist, has written a boo titled Warrior of the Light. It is a collection of short notes on accepting failure, embracing life and rising to your destiny. The Warrior, as Paulo describes is someone who knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment, and sometimes with just a touch of madness.

On the surface to approach life as a Warrior may seem impractical. The focus, as a Warrior is on what you have control over, what you can do and let go of the things you cannot control. Stress is often caused by the y we choose to react to outside events. The Warrior is all about accepting these stresses and then letting them go.

Living life with the mindset of a warrior takes some skill. However the pursuit of this way of living can open many doors, the first of which is in our minds.

One such note in the book talks about the two columns on either side of the door he is trying to open.

One is called Fear and the other is called Desire. The Warrior looks at the column of Fear and on it is is written: “You are entering a dangerous, unfamiliar world where everything you have leaned up until now will prove useless.”

The Warrior looks at the column of Desire and on it is written: “You are about to leave a familiar world wherein are stored all the things you ever wanted and for which you struggled long and hard.”

The Warrior smiles because nothing frightens him and nothing holds him. With confidence of one who know what he wants, he opens the door.

So what we can learn from this? That whatever choices we come across in our lives, whatever choice you make will be the right one. How many choice have you made in your life that looking back were based on fear?  Courage is doing something or making a decision when fear is present. Desire is dictated by how much you want it. When you want something bad enough and you act on it, it is amazing how the feeling of fear subsides.

Do you have a decision to make? If you knew you would succeed what would you do?  Think about Usain Bolt, the 100m Olympic Gold medallist. He knows he is the fastest man of earth. Does that mean he doesn’t train, eat the right things or get enough sleep? Absolutely not. He wants to make sure that when he is standing at the staring line he is in the best condition possible, that the actual race result is a forgone conclusion. So, Usain, knowing he will succeed, puts in all the work necessary to get the result he wants.

What can you do today, to ensure your success tomorrow?

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It’s all about your attitude, that’s the difference between whether you will succeed or fail. So true. However how many of us listen to our body?

As part of the coaching and sales training I do,  I talk about the fives levels of listening, as penned by Steve Covey

5 Levels of Listening:

• Empathic Listening – Listening/responding with both the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words intent and feelings. Listen for what is not being said
• Attentive Listening – Paying attention, focusing on the speaker’s words/comparing to your own experiences.
• Selective Listening – Hearing only what interests you.
• Pretend – Giving the appearance of listening
• Ignore – No effort to listen

This relates to when we listen to others. However how often do you use these levels when listening to your body? Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves ,use selective listening, i.e. when it suits us.

When we are hungry, we eat, we listen to our hunger pans, or sometimes not. When we are thirsty, we drink, or even when we are not. When you have an important decision to make, or coming up to an important meeting, do you listen to what your body is saying to you? Part of my work with the Enneagram, studies the link between listening to your body and the mind.

The easiest way to start to listen to you body, is learning to listen to your intuition. The video below by Judith Orloff explains how you can do this.

A simple exersise you can do that shows you how the body ‘knows’ is this.

Think of something that you can’t make up your mind about, or an important decision you have to make. Hold out your arm horizontal to the ground and think of each choice, (you need a partner for the next part). Think of choice A, imagine it, feel it, be it, now ask your partner to try and push your arm down.

Now think of choice B, imagine it, feel it , be it, again ask your partner to push your arm down. Which was easier? Which ever your body resisted the most, is the path you need to go down. Your body will naturally be strong with the choice that your truly want to go with. Your hesitation will be around some fear, confidence, or self-belief around the outcome.

By listing to our body more, we learn to trust our instincts and intuition and thus make decisions with greater confidence.

I love going to workshops and seminars, for several reasons. While I was in my 9-5 I went to many, both paid and free. However the reason I am in the fortunate position I am now, of running my own business, and being my own boss, is that I took MASSIVE ACTION (as I am sure many of you will be familiar!).

This last weekend I went to a workshop around attracting more clients, and I must say, I learnt a lot. However I made a commitment to myself that  I wouldn’t go to another until I followed up on my commitments I made and take MASSIVE ACTION around my goals.

This got me thinking,  what is the reason you go to workshops/seminars?

I see three reasons

1. Knowledge
2. Reinforcement
3. Networking/Joint Ventures

The title of the workshop and what it is going to give you is the obvious reason most people go to a workshop. We live in a society where we feel that we need more knowledge, “I am currently not getting what I want, so I must be lacking knowledge.”

Is this the case? Think of the last 5 workshops you have attended, did they give you ‘information’ that you already knew, but just not applied? I can certainly say this has been the case for me sometimes.

So what is it that makes us go back? Do we need constant reinforcement for what we already know, or is it more about developing our current knowledge? For me it is often the case of developing and fine tuning what I already know.

A few years ago I differentiated between whether I was consuming my time or investing my time, and I must say the percentage wasn’t in my favour. This for me was a light bulb moment, as soon as I consciously investmented my time, i.e. reading, networking, researching, communicating, listening, being a teacher, being a student, doing what I love, and not comsuming my time, i.e. TV, procrastinating, finding things to do to avoid what needs to be done; things started to change, I took MASSIVE ACTION.

What was a massive eye opener for me was the people you meet when you go to these workshops/seminars. By the very fact that they are there, their mindset would be very similar to yours, hence the opportunity to network with like-minded people is fantastic.

The opportunity to develop new connections for Joint Ventures is also great. Joint Venturing can take many forms, from joint marketing activity to promote complementary services, to looking for mentors who have already achieved what you are looking to develop.

These are some of my ideas. I would love to hear why you go to workshops and seminars.

Image via Wikipedia

Getting more clients is what we all strive for. We go networking, make cold calls, and go to workshops to learn the secrets from the ‘experts’, however if we apply the Yoda principal to getting more clients we will get more than we need.

The word ‘try’ is often heard when in our language, when we look to attempt something, ‘I want to work with that blue chip company, I will try and call the CEO’

TRY!!! This allows for failure. By trying we give ourselves a get out clause.’ Well I did try and call him, but he was busy, he is already working with XYZ‘

Next time you say you will try to do something, just change it to do. Even saying this will change the energy around your intention and make it more likely to happen.

When you are committed to something it is amazing how often opportunities occur. When I coach, whether in schools or in business, if I had a penny for the number of times I hear people say the word try, well, let’s just say, it would be easy money. Yoda’s response to Luke when his ship immersed in the lake was, all about intention.

Is your intention to fail or succeed. Is it an option that you fail? No, so why allow it to happen. By doing, your intention is all around succeeding, and history tells us as soon as we decide on something our intention changes and we get closer to what we want.

Go on try it, sorry DO IT, you never know it might just be true!

So what has undiluted orange squash got to do with anything.

In life we are forever told we must do that, do this, use these words, do this action, don’t eat this, do more exercise, buy this product. However, how many times do you actually listen to your inner self. Some call this intuition, awareness, gut instinct, any numerous definitions.

Does listening to your inner self make a difference, well if you listen only once or twice, maybe not, however if you trust it and listen the results may surprise you.

What would a glass of undiluted orange squash taste like? Bitter, strong, not very nice. Now the easiest thing to do is put water in it and drink it. Wouldn’t it be good if life was like that, i.e. when we come up against something that is bitter and not very nice we can just add something to it to make it better.

Just imagine if you put just one drop of water in the undiluted orange squash, would it taste any different, would it look any different, would it smell any different, no it wouldn’t. Now if you gave it to a scientist to see if it was different, what would they say? Yes there is, however only you and the scientist can know there is a difference.

That drop of water represents the small change we could all make to get the things we want in life. That small step that takes us nearer to our goal, that one small change of thought that makes us see those seemingly impossible things, now just really difficult.

What would be the implication if you allowed yourself to add one drop of water each month, each week, each day, or even each hour? For the first few drops only you (and the scientist) know you have made some changes, however the outside world will not know until, much, much later.

As humans one of our “want’s” is that we look for approval so when we make some changes we like it acknowledged, and when we don’t get that outside validation we lose self-belief  and give-up. The outside world will notice the great glass of orange juice only until several drops have been added and then the outside world can see the differnece.

This is the same when we do something different. It may take days, weeks, or even months before others see the different. But does this matter. If you knew that by adding a drop of water each day, you would achieve your goals, tackle near impossible tasks and increase your self-belief, would it really matter, if others notice the differenece?

By making sure you add one drop of water each day and being consistent you will start to get the results you want, and if you’re lucky others may see the difference as well!

Image by epicnom via Flickr

We often hear marketing professionals asking us about our USP (unique selling point) is, and many misinterpret this as  how are you better than the competition, when actually what they are is how are you DIFFERENT than the rest.

What is it that stands you out from the rest of the crowd? Think about it, you tend to remember the things that are different from the norm. Does your marketing and sales pitch lend itself to this? What is the impression that people are left with when they have either met you at an event, or experienced your services? What do they remember?

Ask yourself this, are you constantly trying to show how much better you are than the others or how you are different? Whatever profession you are in, people will choose you because you relate to them and because you have something different that they like.

Don’t kid yourself, whatever your profession, (unless you are the leader of a country!!!) there are thousands of people doing what you do. The following video perfectly demonstrates this. Getting over 38 million hits, it’s all about being different not necessarily better.

How can you be different? Please leave a comment and let others know what is different about you.

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We all know that when we are feeling confident and good about ourselves we can achieve anything. But life isn’t like that. We have good days and we have bad days. So what is the difference? How we feel.

Now the reason we don’t feel good some days maybe to do with things that have happened, or is happening to us. Losing business, not getting the sale, getting bogged down with ’stuff’, kids, all these things can mean we have bad days. Having challenges in our life is part of the deal.  A part of life yes, but not the whole reason why we feel bad. We feel bad because of how we choose to react to the situation.

I am not saying we should all act like robots and never react adversely to these situations, what I am saying is that we can learn to become more self-aware (knowing we are doing it when doing it) so we know how we are reacting and then do something about it. These situations have an impact on the state we are in. So what can you do to change your state that will have an impact on how you feel?

Three things you can do,

Language

Change your language, notice the words you use that limit you, can’t, should, yes but, don’t know, all these words put a limit on your thinking. When you hear yourself use the word ‘can’t’ replace it with ‘won’t’. What’ s the implication? Are you now more in control in what you choose to do next?

Replace ’should’ with ‘could’. What happens now? Do possibilities all of a sudden become available. We use ‘yes but’, to acknowledge what is happening or being said, then give ourself reasons of why you can’t do what is being suggested.

Focus

What are you focusing on? Is your cup half empty or half full? When we don’t feel great we tend to focus on what is lacking in our life and what we don’t have or can’t get. When we start to focus on what we have and what possibilities there are, its amazing how our state starts to improve. Developing your self-awareness helps you focus on what actually is, as opposed, on what maybe.

Posture

When we talk about the mind and how we feel, the movement of the body is often ignored. Changing and emphasising your posture can have a high impact on your state. Try walking with your chest out, and tall and not feel good, not easy is it! Hold your head up and see if you start to feel good. Eye contact and smiling will also improve your state. Try it. We all know how much we can do without crossing the line of social etiquette.

All these thing are within your control. There is no more excuse to have bad days. Bad moments yes, bad days no, don’t allow it to happen. Don’t fall into the ‘Oh it’s going to be one of those days’ syndrome. If you are having a bad morning, do something so the afternoon is good. Is this easy, of course it’s not, if it were you’d be doing it already. Intellectually you know all this, all you have to do now is apply it.

Language, Focus and Posture are things that we all have control over. When we are not feeling good we tend to focus on things that we don’t control or have an influence over. We are human and some things take longer to get over then others. However doing a few small things that we can control will allow us to get into a state where we start to operate how we want to.

True pure coaching is about challenging people to get what they want. Get them to think in a way that allows new thinking to take place. It was once said, and repeated many times before, and I make no apologies to repeat it here again, “If you keep on doing the same things you will keep on geting the same results”. The same principle applies if you keep on thinking the same things, you will keep on getting the same conclusions.

When coaching, I set some rules at the start of the session, and these rules applies for both myself and the coachee. The rule is that the following three phrases cannot be used during the session

• I know
• I don’t know
• Yes, but…

Does it work, well try it yourself. You don’t have to be a coach to apply this rule, you can apply it as a manager or leader when having a conversation that is around improving performance.

I Know

Preventing from saying this allows further thinking to take place. Linked to effective listening, the key is to to pause before giving an answer. The coachee knowing they cannot say ‘I know’ forces them to think about what you they want to say and give a response that will be more empowering and productive for the conversation.

I Don’t Know

Coaching involves asking challenging questions, ‘I don’t know’ immediately puts the onus back on the person asking the question, to either give a suggestion, or ask a further question. Not being able to say I don’t know, again allows them to think and potentially get some different results.

Yes, but

This is classic when somebody is just waiting for a pause in what you are saying so they can say what they want. If this is the case, they are already thinking what they are going to say, and so will not hear what you are saying towards the end.

By saying ‘Yes, but’ it gives the indication that they have heard what you have said, making you feel you are being heard. Within a coaching context listening is paramount, and it is imperative the coach and coachee listen fully to what is being said.

and what is essential

Pauses

In between what the coach and the coachee talk about, deliberate pauses can have a empowering and productive impact on the coaching, for both parties.