Three Phrases to Ban from a Coaching Session, and What is Essential!!
True pure coaching is about challenging people to get what they want. Get them to think in a way that allows new thinking to take place. It was once said, and repeated many times before, and I make no apologies to repeat it here again, “If you keep on doing the same things you will keep on geting the same results”. The same principle applies if you keep on thinking the same things, you will keep on getting the same conclusions.
When coaching, I set some rules at the start of the session, and these rules applies for both myself and the coachee. The rule is that the following three phrases cannot be used during the session
- I know
- I don’t know
- Yes, but…
Does it work, well try it yourself. You don’t have to be a coach to apply this rule, you can apply it as a manager or leader when having a conversation that is around improving performance.
I Know
Preventing from saying this allows further thinking to take place. Linked to effective listening, the key is to to pause before giving an answer. The coachee knowing they cannot say ‘I know’ forces them to think about what you they want to say and give a response that will be more empowering and productive for the conversation.
I Don’t Know
Coaching involves asking challenging questions, ‘I don’t know’ immediately puts the onus back on the person asking the question, to either give a suggestion, or ask a further question. Not being able to say I don’t know, again allows them to think and potentially get some different results.
Yes, but
This is classic when somebody is just waiting for a pause in what you are saying so they can say what they want. If this is the case, they are already thinking what they are going to say, and so will not hear what you are saying towards the end.
By saying ‘Yes, but’ it gives the indication that they have heard what you have said, making you feel you are being heard. Within a coaching context listening is paramount, and it is imperative the coach and coachee listen fully to what is being said.
and what is essential
Pauses
In between what the coach and the coachee talk about, deliberate pauses can have a empowering and productive impact on the coaching, for both parties.